25 Things women will never say

  1. I’ll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
  2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
  3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!
  4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
  5. That was a great fart! Do another one!
  6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
  7. You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.
  8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
  9. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.
  10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
  11. Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.
  12. I’ll be out painting the house.
  13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
  14. Honey..our new neighbor’s daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
  15. I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
  16. No, No, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
  17. Your mother is way better than mine.
  18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s Day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
  19. I understand fully… our anniversary comes every year for Christ’s sake, you go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.
  20. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a rack of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tamara over for a threesome!
  21. Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let’s go to that new strip joint!
  22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
  23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
  24. God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
  25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you
  26. What do you mean today’s our anniversary?
  27. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.
  28. Oh, this diamond is way too big!
  29. And for our honeymoon we’re going fishing in Alaska!
  30. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being „just friends“.
  31. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
  32. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.
  33. Is that phone for me? Tell ‚em I’m not here.
  34. I don’t care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.
  35. That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch football again?
  36. The new girl in my office is a stripper…I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
  37. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal, they’ll still cover.
  38. Bar food again?? Kick ass!!
  39. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
  40. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool! I’m gonna go over and talk to her.
  41. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends… tell me more.
  42. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one! What a wonderful Valentines Day!
  43. Let’s just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don’t have to mess with it anymore.
  44. It’s only the third quarter. You should order a couple more pitchers.
  45. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie’s butt!
  46. I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.
  47. Damn! I love it when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
  48. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!
  49. You are so much smarter than my father.
  50. If I could only put on another ten pounds, especially on my hips.
  51. I’m tired of cuddling.
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